Second baby survival guide
Each and every parent looks forward to the birth of their first child with excitement and anxiety in equal measure but what happens when number two comes along? Author and mother, Naia Edwards, talks about the different challenges - and rewards - involved when your second baby arrives.
Extract taken from The Second Baby Survival Guide by Naia Edwards, published by Rodale Books, price £10.99
Looking after your baby - what will be different?
You're a more confident mum
The huge difference and one of the most positive things about the first few weeks with your new baby is that it's much less nerve-racking than the first time - you know what you're doing.
You've looked after a newborn baby before, you know how to change a nappy, how to soothe a crying baby, how to feed them, how to hold them and dress them. It doesn't take you all morning to work out how to do the poppers on the babygro and you don't have to screw up all your courage to give them a bath.
You know you can hold your baby in the bathwater without drowning them and you don't have to creep into your baby's room every ten minutes after you've put them down to sleep to check that they're still breathing (although you may still find yourself doing this).
You are not nearly so anxious about your ability to care for your new baby and so you are much more likely to enjoy them. In short, many women feel more confident. It's always more fun doing something when you know what you're doing and when you feel you're quite good at it.
As Jo remembers: 'When Alex, my first child, was born, I was so nervous leaving the hospital - it seemed amazing that I was allowed to take him home without having passed any qualifications and with no experience at all with babies and I was terrified I'd do something wrong and hurt him.
'He was so precious. I think it took me a whole hour to change his nappy the first time and I did spend a lot of time worrying. By the time James was born all that side of things was really easy. I felt that I was much better at being a mother of a baby. I really enjoyed that.'
Not all babies are the same
Mums on the differences between first and second babies
'I was completely unprepared for how different my second daughter would be from my first. Sometimes I felt like a first-time mother all over again.'
Caroline, mother of Franny and Issy
'If I'm honest, I'd been dreading the first few weeks with our new baby because I thought she'd be exactly the same as her elder sister had been. In fact, I'd nearly decided not to have a second child because of that.
Tamsin never slept, she cried the minute I'd try to put her down and trying to feed her was a nightmare - we later discovered that she had reflux and that was probably why she seemed so angry all the time. But Hannah was just totally different. She was calm and contented - I didn't realise it could be like that.'
Sally, mother of Tamsin and Hannah
Survival tips for looking after your baby
Don't be surprised at how different your second baby is from your first. He or she may be easier or more difficult to look after than your first child. Be prepared to try different ways of caring for this baby.
Ask your health visitor for help and advice. Friends and family tend not to be as forthcoming with advice and suggestions as before (for which you may be thankful), but even community midwives and health visitors will sometimes assume that a second-time mum needs less help than a first-time one in the business of caring for their baby.
Don't be shy about asking. There's no reason why you should know everything about babies. You have just as much right and need to ask for help as a novice first-time mum.
Change your newborn's nappies on the floor. Even if you've got a wonderful waist-level changing station to make changing your baby's nappy easier on your back, it's safer to change your newborn on the floor in case you suddenly have to rush to the aid of your toddler.
Try using a sling. To help with multi-tasking you will find that using a sling is a life saver. You can keep your baby close to you all the time, give them the comfort and warmth they need - and sometimes feed them too - while having your hands free to play with your toddler, turn the pages of a book, put the dishes away, lay the table, etc.
Accept help. Make the most of any help you receive in the early weeks to spend some time alone with your baby, to give them your exclusive attention and to get to know them (remembering you will also need to spend time alone with your older child). Enjoy the night-time feeds and time alone with your baby while your toddler is asleep.
Don't withhold affection from your baby for fear of upsetting your older child. Your older child may feel jealous, for a while anyway, but it is more important that your baby should be loved with as much tactile affection as you give your first child.
Prioritise. You can't do everything and you may not be able to do as many things with your second baby as you did with your first. The trick is to prioritise. Your newborn's essential needs come first.
Provided that you give them food, warmth and comfort they will be fine. It doesn't matter if they wear the same babygro two days in a row, or if they don't have a bath for several days. They will survive.
Don't leave your baby to cry for too long because you are doing something with your toddler. As a second-time mum you will be less anxious to rush to your baby at the first whimper, and more quickly able to distinguish what your baby's different crying sounds mean. And that is fine. But responding as quickly as you can to your baby's urgent cry is important.
- If you're expecting, why not chat to other women, in confidence, on one of our pregnancy message boards .
Comments