Tantrum solutions

Every parent has to deal with tantrums at some stage of their child's development, and there are many effective ways of handling them. Here are some helpful hints from iVillage community members

Every parent has to deal with tantrums at some stage of their child's development, and there are many effective ways of handling them. Here are some helpful hints from iVillage community members.

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- Join the Parents Problem Solver message board
- Toddler troubles
- Toddler triggers
- The Development Tracker
Struggling to cope

'Telling your son off is not necessarily a terrible thing. You are teaching him what is right and wrong, and how will he know this unless you tell him? You feel numb because you are on complete overload, and it has nothing to do with how you feel about your son.'

maxismum
Worried about new baby

'Have you read any Mummy's having a baby books to her? You can get some fantastic books for kids in most good bookshops or in your local library. You could also talk to her about what is going to happen when the baby is born.

Reassure her that although some things will change, lots of things will stay the same. Tell her that Mummy will still give her a bath and have a bubble fight with her, even when the baby comes.'

cl-chocchip
Jealousy causing problems?

'Ride the storm. Be consistent with rules and make sure he knows what the boundaries are. Maybe even have them written down.

Have you tried star charts with him at all? This might be worth a shot. You could tell him that once he has a certain number of stars for good behaviour he will get a special treat.'

cl-chocchip
Two-year-old with a temper

'Get a piece of paper and write on it your son's name and then put it on the floor and step onto it and see the world from your son's perspective. See what he sees, hear what he hears and feel how he feels and discover why he's behaving in this way.

Is he the one with all the control in the situation? Is he just testing you? Is he looking for boundaries and seeing how far he can go? Just relax and see the situation from his eyes and ears.'

positive_parent
Bad behaviour from a four-year-old

'Having firm boundaries and sticking to the same discipline should help. Be consistent with your discipline and rewards, even if it seems like you are doing the same thing over and over. Also lots of praise for good behaviour should help.'

cl-chocchip
Bath-time woes

'My daughter went through a stage of not liking a bath and she never had any reason not to. She just decided she didn't like it. So we gradually let her play in the bath with her toys with no water. We then progressed to a small amount of water with her clothes on (this sounds really silly writing it).

Then we let her go in with her nappy on but after a few goes she allowed us to take her nappy off mid-bath. Hey presto, she didn't care anymore!'

leigh-ann25
Out of control

'Preventive measures include not being unnecessarily confrontational. Two-year-olds are trying to assert their independence, and they do need a bit of leeway to experiment and to do things their own way when possible.

'When she has an outburst, just ensure she's safe, and then try to ignore her. If you can bear to do this, and it's safe to do so, turn your back on her and get on with something else. This usually sabotages a tantrum, because there's no point putting on a great show if your audience isn't paying attention.'

dr_carol_cooper
Boy trouble

'Keep him busy and occupied to stave off boredom. Also, avoid confronting him over trivial matters. If he wants to take his socks off, for instance, and you don't think he should right now, you could just let him. It's really not worth making an issue over.'
dr_carol_cooper
Correcting tantrums

'I get down to his level, take his hands or arms and make him look at me, and then say very clearly, firmly and calmly 'No you don't (insert the bad behaviour here) that's naughty,' then tell him what he can do, or divert him to some other activity.

'Yes, they may throw a tantrum (which you should just ignore) or sulk for a minute but this technique does work. If you stick to it then it gets better and the tantrums don't tend to last as long or happen as often.'
gemma_kate