The dos and don'ts of online dating

From Facebook friending a talking bad about an ex online, we asked the experts for help navigating the technical difficulties of dating in the digital age.

Don’t friend your date... yet

Thanks to countless social networks and dating sites, Cupid’s arrow has been replaced by a wireless signal, bringing with it lots of new head-scratching predicaments. Are you ready to open this cyber can of worms? Netiquette expert Julie Spira, author of The Rules of Netiquette and The Perils of Cyber-Dating, recommends ignoring friend requests from potential suitors until after you’ve established exclusivity. 'You won't want to be in his arms on Friday night, while he's posting photos with another woman on Saturday night,' cautions Spira. 'Digital jealousy in the beginning of your relationship could actually destroy the possibilities of long-term love.'

The dating experts from HowAboutWe.com's 'The Date Report' suggest treating a Facebook connection the same way you would a real-life relationship. 'You've been on two or three dates with someone... Would now be the time to introduce this person to all of your friends? Your family? Maybe some exes? No way.'
Clean up your Facebook profile

Before you friend your new man or that guy you met last Saturday night, you might want to take the time to do some digital housekeeping, says Spira. Delete anything on your Facebook wall that could be considered suggestive, offensive or otherwise hurt your love crusade, add The Date Report columnists.

Choose a good profile picture (obviously), untag or delete any unsavory photos and don’t whine! 'Facebook complainers are a huge turn-off,' explain the dating site gurus. 'Keep your rants, complaints and cryptic messages to yourself.'
Meet in the real world

'It can be tempting to get invested in email relationships because they feel safe and manageable,' explains Meghan Beresford from OkCupid.com (American dating website), 'but great online conversations don't necessarily mean great chemistry.' Follow the '3-back-and-forths' rule, says The Date Report experts. After three rounds of email replies, you should ask him out on a real, live date. Simply suggest drinks or invite him to be your plus-one at an upcoming event. 'The worst they can say is ‘no’,' says Beresford, 'and then you don't get to meet them, which is exactly what was going to happen if you didn’t mention it!'
Avoid relationship status limbo

Don’t be too quick on the draw when it comes to changing your Facebook relationship status. You need to make sure you and your partner are on the same digital page before broadcasting to your social circles that you’re 'in a relationship,' says Beresford. As for switching back to 'single,' notify your ex about your profile update (if the breakup was mutual and amicable).

Take note: Removing the 'in a relationship' status from your profile will automatically delete it from his. And don't use the 'end of a relationship' feature offered on the new Facebook Timeline layout, advise The Date Report experts. To avoid the dilemma completely, consider setting your relationship status to private to avoid awkward comments or creepy 'likes.' (Here's how: Go to your Facebook profile page, select 'Edit Profile' or 'About,' then edit 'Friends and Family' from the left-hand menu and change your 'Relationship Status' to 'Select Relation.' Save changes.)
Delete your dating profile

'If I’ve found someone I actually like then what’s the point of leaving my profile up?' asks a former (successful) online dater. The Date Report experts agree. Once you're in an exclusive relationship, your profile needs to come down. Remaining active is disrespectful to your new mate and unfair to the digital love seekers who think you’re still available. Plus, it’s a necessary sign of commitment for some, adds Beresford. Don’t want to put all your eggs in one basket? Choose to deactivate your profile rather than terminate, so you can enter the dating game easily if things don't work out.
Know when to unfriend

If you don't want to completely X out your ex, Beresford recommends hiding their Facebook feed to ease the breakup blues. Do the same with their family and/or mutual friends to cut down on the number of ex-related updates. The Date Report experts also point out that you may want to get in touch with your past love in the future, and re-friending him after an extended period of time could be awkward. So only unfriend an ex if the relationship ended badly, e.g. he cheated or stole from you.
Erase past relationships

Want your ex’s grinning mug gone from your digital life? Beresford suggests asking a friend to hit delete on your lovey-dovey couple pics to save you the heartache of reliving happier times. Of course, if your relationship ended on good terms, you might not need to do a total clean sweep. If your current flame remains friends with his ex (and is still tagged in her photos), be confident in your new relationship and just ignore it, says Spira. 'Letting him know that it upsets you will only make him realise that you're checking up on his digital past.'
Don’t be bitter over Twitter

'I think it's funny that Twitter keeps suggesting me to follow Leonardo DiCaprio,' Bar Rafaeli recently tweeted. Take a lesson from the supermodel and resist the urge to subscribe to your ex’s tweets. 'You don't need to read the minutiae of his or her daily thoughts,' says Chiara Atik of HowAboutWe.com.

And, of course, remember to keep some perspective. 'Changing my twitter name isn’t a top priority right now. sorry it bothers so many of u. should I not tweet until I do? does it really matter?,' wrote @mrskutcher, aka Demi Moore, in response to queries about her post-divorce handle. Ultimately Moore did change her handle to @justdemi - when she was ready.
Don’t fight dirty

'The best thing to do when an ex starts talking [bad about you] online is to be the bigger person,' say The Date Report experts. They recommend turning on the 'Tag Approval' feature (under Privacy Settings) to intercept any new photos or posts from your ex that may include you. If you want to set the record straight, call, email or meet up with your mutual friends to clear the air. And 'keep it classy,' adds Beresford. Don't respond to his Facebook posts since that may provoke him. If his digs turn into threats and harassment, Beresford says to contact the proper authorities.
Next Up: Scientifically proven ways to become more attractive to men
Ever wondered why some girls have it and others don't seem to have as much? Here's the science behind it.

See also:

IMAGE CREDITS:

getty images,

Mike Mckay (not verified) replied 47 weeks 6 days ago

I was quite appalled by number 9. It manages to stay gender neutral pretty much till the last bit but then sinks to the level of "Don't respond to his Facebook posts since that may provoke him. If his digs turn into threats and harassment, Beresford says to contact the proper authorities" Him? His? During many years of counselling couples the politically correct stance has been that women are no less violent, likely to threaten or embark on harassment campaigns than men But the reality of my experience has been that it seems ever so slightly more likely that a woman will do those things due to far less chance of being reported or prosecuted for it Infact with lobotomised nonsense like the woman scorned type rubbish women are almost brainwashed into thinking that being vindictive and mentally unstable after a break up is part of womanhood So not only do men need to be aware that women are just as violent and just as, if not more likely to harass or victimise an ex but mothers need to preward their sons about it in advance with there being so many kids raised solely by women nowadays

Mike Mckay (not verified) replied 47 weeks 6 days ago

That comes across like the bitter words of someone who has had a bad experience and then believes that its indicative of everything similar Along the lines of "my relationship ended horribly so ALL relationships HAVE to end horribly Plus the last bit comes across like a company advertisement just a tad But the reality is that theres no more or less cheaters online than in real life, infact shocking as it might seem the people online ARE real and therefore also exist in real life too. Theyre not some magically seperate group of people that dont have jobs, go to work, the cinema, pubs or clubs So youre just as likely to meet someone who already has a partner or someone who is emotionally unstable in any club, pub or supermarket as you are online But in ALL instances its your own ability to spot someones intentions that matters and YOU have to take responsibility for any bad choices or decisions YOU make, then learn from them, put them behind you and move on Yes people are self indulgent, self obsessed and lack both integrity and honour and parenting is declining generation after generation so the teaching of those values will only continue to decline But no gender is any better or worse than the other even though both think they are. People need to just accept the realities of modern day dating for what they are rather than whinge about how it "used to be" or pretending nothing has changed And if they want to try and change it they are wasting their time with people they date as the problem is created by bad parenting and the lack of instilling morals and values into kids when they are growing to the point where they become a core element of their personality So of they DO want to make a change they should have a kid and raid them with a decent set of values But the problem then is that theyre likely to end up dating someone whose parents instilled NO values into them anyway. So theres no clear answer. But denial isnt a very wise choice either

adamcooke replied 49 weeks 2 days ago

Hello, In most occasions online dating doesn't work, in fact recent statistics highlighted most online relations as closely related to those who want to cheat or are looking get their sexual fix. This is due to alterations either in behaviour or social and economical status, in most case that comes across my desk the male species is to blame. Approximately 80% of all relationship brake-ups are due to the male species characteristics/behavioural adaptations to society norms. In many cases, first point of protocol in evaluating the benefits of online social networks or to more closely relate to the article, male to female interaction (dating websites) can account for approximately 75% percent of relationship complications. Would the problem be reduced if social media was more closely monitored or if internet was never introduced to society? Well, from the statistics, we can prove that high percentages of adultery or poor relationship interactions can stem from the newly and accessible relationship finders online. Many would say, people would are looking to cheat ultimately will? This is true, however if forbidden fruit was not easily accessible would Adam and Eve have eaten it? The answer is probably known. The fact that temptation is introduced encompassed with mass accessibility and privacy results in cheating characteristics. Psychology studies indicated “if someone can get away with it and no body else knows, then it is perfectly acceptable to do”. This statement can relate to the wide audience of people. With technology and social media at a click of a button, who can honestly say that have never visited or participated in adult content or activities? Can you honestly, say that your partner has never visited or participated in these acts? The answer in most cases in NO! So, do social media influence relationship the answer is yes? If you are wondering, I am a male. I am currently on a study to investigate equality and female political views across EU and South America. If you require any assistant, I have worked closely with a relationship investigation organisation for previous studies. I found there work to be invaluable. Related subject…. Unfaithfulpartner.co.uk Cheatometer.net UKhoneytraps.co.uk 0800 895 6096 I have conducted many studies from the organisations listed above. Most of the statistics can be located in the journal of human behaviour, Vol 19, Pg 156-181. If you have any concern about possible relationship issues over the internet or social media networks please contact the organisation. The are trained to arrears of human relations and characteristics – in other words relationship councillors.