Susanne Remic is a primary school teacher, freelance writer and parenting blogger. She writes at Ghostwritermummy and Maternity Matters and in between all of that she regularly wins mummy of the year awards for running around after her two children, aged six and 19 months. This is her pregnancy blog: an online diary of her third pregnancy as she strives to overcome two difficult births, one angel child and one awkward toddler. Join Susanne as she shares every step of her journey from bump to baby!
The first scan
By Susanne Remic on 11 Aug 2011
In a few days time, I will get to see my baby for the first time! This is the first of the most memorable steps in a pregnancy, and since this may be the last time we do this, it’s an appointment that I am growing increasingly impatient waiting for!
I am also growing slightly anxious. Throughout my previous pregnancies, especially the first, I was never really one of those women who worried about things too much. I always assumed that everything would be fine and if not, we would deal with what came along. Luckily for us, our babies - despite traumatic deliveries - have been born well and are healthy. This time though, it feels a little different.
Like I explained in my last post, I am different now. For one, I’m older. For another, I know how precious life is. What if the scan isn’t what I have been expecting, or hoping for? We’re having the nuchal fold scan. What if the results present a high risk for Down's Syndrome? We’ve always said previously that what will be, will be. But now we have two other children, and if the results aren’t what we were hoping for, what do we do next? The idea of an amniocentisis scares me.
But what if we need to have one? We’ve always said we would refuse one and things have been fine. But now there is a ‘what if?’ as big as a boulder and as loud as a bomb sitting just beneath my consciousness. Like I said, I’m different now.
Loads of women have these concerns. I know that. It’s just that I never did. My step-dad always used to say that I was so laid-back I was virtually horizontal. He used to do a great impression of me riding my bike as a kid: I would lean so far back it was almost like I was reclining in an armchair. Over the years though, my back has kind of straightened up and now I am a little more anxious about things. Perhaps it’s because now I’m an adult- and a parent - I have more important things to worry about.
Whether or not I will get my pocket money or whether or not Harold Bishop will ever wash up at sea are things I just don’t have time for these days.
So I will await my first scan with a slight sense of fear, I think. The thing is I know that as soon as that grainy image appears on the screen, whatever happens, will happen. The tiny life kicking around in there is still a tiny life that I created. It’s still a part of me and it’s still a much wanted part of our lives. In the meantime I will be crossing all of my fingers, toes and even my eyes in the hope that all will be ok. And you know what? I think it will be.
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