Our straight talking Lancashire lass takes a sideways look at the daily news.
The news predicts the future...
What’s going on? It’s really warm and sunny – and here in Lancashire it’s the first bout of nice weather we’ve had since April. I’m confused.
Anyway, I wish that today’s Daily Bite could be as happy as the weather, but no such luck. Sorry. I believe that the news is starting to predict the future, and it doesn’t look brilliant (don’t worry, tomorrow’s Daily Bite will be more upbeat!). Read on for a sneaky peek at the UK 2025…
Heading for a sick society
After catastrophic cuts, hospital merges and the slashing of vital local services, the NHS became a shell of its former glory.
By 2025, free treatment at the point of care is a thing of the past, and profit is placed before patient care. The system is more chaotic as thousands of private companies provide most of the services - but with little regulation corners get cut and limbs get lost. Private hospitals continued to use public facilities, which shoved up the queue times for those who couldn’t afford to pay. The future is not a good place to get sick in the UK if you don’t have the money…
No need to talk
In 2025 the art of talking is a defunct pastime relegated to artisan conversationalists. Instead people interface via brain implants that are wired to social networks. Facebook is literally inside our heads and our vision includes real sight augmented with virtual newsfeeds controlled by blinking.
On the plus side, brain damage from disease or injury is a thing of the past – synthetic brain cells can repair the fractured neurons within days allowing the patient to fully recover, in a cyborgy-robotic kind of way.
The UK countryside will be non-existent
The UK recession of 2011 caused the government and local councils to make very bad decisions in the name of making a quick buck, which paved the way for the destruction of England’s Green and Pleasant Land.
Controversial decisions like gas fracking (a highly dangerous, extremely dirty way to extract gas from shale rock), the opening green belt land for development and the great UK Forest Sell Off meant that much of the UK became covered with sprawling housing estates, motorways, filthy power stations and warehouses. They literally paved paradise and put up a parking lot.
In 2025 the only green space is owned by the Royal Family and is closed to the public. So people make do with crude pictures of trees and grass painted onto the side of concrete buildings and warehouses. Not that it matters because by 2025 everyone will be living in virtual reality anyway.
Simon Cowell will be Prime Minister
In 2015 the people were sick of the coalition government, so Simon Cowell joined forces with Rupert Murdoch to create an X-Factor-News-Corp style of Government – bringing in a new era of politics called ‘Britain’s Got Democracy’. The new cabinet is full of WAGS, sports personalities and average singers with emotional back-stories. Ant & Dec provided mildly amusing commentary for the population.
Nothing ever got done, but at least we could press the interactive red button and have our say.
I’d just like to say that if any of the above becomes true, you can shoot me now. Enjoy the sunshine!
Oh, and if you’re opposed to gas fracking in the UK and you don’t want to be drinking flammable water in the near future, you can sign the official e-Petition here..