Our straight talking Lancashire lass takes a sideways look at the daily news.
The REAL story behind Richard III’s bones
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WARNING: Today’s Daily Bite contains ridiculous illuminati conspiracy theories that may or may not have been made up by the author.
DNA tests have revealed UK car parks to contain trace elements of 14th Century monarch, Richard III. This revelation comes hot on the heels of recent DNA tests confirming the presence of horsemeat in Burger King burgers. Is there a connection?
Because it is Monday, and it’s *still* winter, I’m going to cheer myself up by putting my tin-foil conspiracy theory hat on and hurling myself down the rabbit hole, head first. Please humour me…
I believe there is a connection.
King Richard the III was a key part of the shape-shifting lizard alien bloodline – as described by David Icke - and was defeated in battle in the 1400s, whereby his DNA was preserved for prosperity under a council car park in Leicester. I should also mention that his remains were kept by a shady, underground evil society that doesn’t have humanity’s best interests at heart.
The revelation of King Richard III’s final burial ground coincided with Beyonce’s appearance at the Super Bowl – which was really a secretive, hidden-in-plain-sight, Illuminati-sponsored Satanic black mass. In case you don’t know, Beyonce is really Queen of the Illuminati.
Anyhoo, the Super Bowl ceremony was designed to raise Richard III from the dead and restore him to his former glory, but the 35-minute power cut meant the ritual wasn’t fully completed, so it was only his bones that were brought back. Which is a fat load of use for the Illuminati, who want to cull the human population using zombie monarchs from the Middle Ages. It is effective and also very dramatic.
In the meantime, DNA tests have shown that Burger King has secretly been feeding the UK population horse meat. But not just any horse meat. I bet the horse meat came from the remains of Ricahrd III’s faithful filly who died with him in battle. And it is the Illuminati who are behind this nefarious plan.
Why were we duped into eating this particular horse meat? Because by eating the DNA of Richard III’s dead horse, we will be ingesting the horses soul. And when the time comes, and Richard III (or his skeleton) calls for his horse, he will control us all!
BOOM!
