The week-by-week breakup survival guide

Breaking up is hard to do especially when he did the dumping, but our relationship guru, Tracey Cox, is here to guide you through the dark days after the split

You've just split with someone you loved dearly, and you're devastated. But as impossible as it may seem, you'll get over him. How do I know? Because I've been there. Everyone I know has been there. And I'd bet money that you could fit all the people who haven't been there into one small room. You loved, you lost – but at least you loved. We all came out the other side, and so will you. Clear the tears long enough to stop the page blurring and I'll tell you how it's done.

Getting through the next 30 seconds seems impossible when your boyfriend just broke up with you. But you really will survive this break-up. Honest. How? Follow my week-by-week break-up survival guide:

Surviving a Break-up: Week One

The minute the break-up happens call your closest friends immediately and ask them to come over. While they're on the way, call another friend or your family and don't get off the phone until the doorbell rings. Then (and only then) are you allowed to lose it completely. Cry as much as you can, shout, snort, sob – do whatever it takes to let out as much emotion as possible. Then talk. Go through the whole thing from start to finish and keep going until you can't analyse it any further (or until your friends fall asleep).

If they can't stay with you, go back to their house. Do whatever it takes (well, within reason) not to be alone on that first night. You'll cry yourself to sleep, but brace yourself: Waking up the next day is the worst moment of all.

The next day reality kicks in, and it hits with full force. Your aim today is simply to survive it because "He's gone, I'm alone" will run in a continuous loop in your head. Again, surround yourself with people who care. True friends will let you tag along wherever they go. Take them up on it. If they're visiting their granny in an old people's home, go with them. Heck, follow them to the loo if they take too long. The other reason why you need to be around friends is this: The urge to call him, see him, e-mail him, text him will be almost overwhelming. Don't do it. If there was hope of reconciliation, the person who ended the relationship will be the one to make contact. Not to put too fine a point on it, but that's not you.

Surviving a Break-up: Week Two

Pick up the phone and don't hang it up until you've booked something for every possible second of the next two weekends and weeknights. Come clean and tell people you've split up, even if you do play it cool and insist you don't care. If you don't want to talk about it, say so. People won't want to upset you – and they will want to spoil you. Let them.

You're not going to like what I'm going to suggest now, but it's a crucial step: I want you to gather up all the couple-y stuff you collected throughout your relationship. The cards, the CDs, DVDs, letters, his old toothbrush, photographs – anything and everything. Put it all in a trash bag and shove it in a cupboard out of sight. Put his e-mails into a special folder and don't open it. Delete his old text messages. Stop going online to see if he's online. Don't go to any events where you might run into him. Don't go to places that remind you of him. In other words, avoid anything that makes you think of your ex and any contact with him. Why? Because you really are kidding yourself if you think lying around listening to "your song" and re-reading old love letters is going to help you heal or magically get him back. It won't.

In fact, if there's honestly any hope of reconciliation, seeing you get on with your life is far more likely to make it happen. It's been proven over and over: Act like you don't need him (even if you do) and he may well realise he wants you, too. If he comes over to beg forgiveness and notices his picture's been removed, you'll win respect, not disapproval. The quicker you accept he's gone for good – even if he isn't – the quicker you'll get over him and the more likely it is he'll want to return. It's a win-win situation. The reverse is also true: Hassle him with phone calls, texts, follow him around with puppy-dog eyes and he'll thank the Lord he got out when he did.