Vibrators - too much of a good thing?
Question: Hi Pam, I'm a single lady and I see a few guys now and then but I'm not desperate for a relationship - unless the right guy comes along. I never really used to 'pleasure myself' much but a month or so ago I invested in my first vibrator. I'm now experiencing Charlotte-from-Sex And The City-syndrome and can't seem to put the thing down! I don't use it for extended time but I use it pretty much every day - is that too much? Do you think this is a novelty obsession which will wear off?
Dear 'good vibrations',
I'm so glad you got in touch because too many women have inhibitions about trying vibrators. You're the perfect example of someone who has discovered the joys of vibrators - but now you're wondering if there's just a little bit too much joy to be had.
Fear not, as I'm absolutely certain there’s nothing for you to worry about. There are potentially three main problems when it comes to using vibrators:
1. You use them for more than 20 minutes at a time and irritate your erogenous zones - and in rare cases end up suffering nerve damage. Definitely not a good thing! You say you're not using it 'for extended time' and I hope you mean for no more than 20 minutes.
2. You're with a partner who has poor sexual technique and you end up preferring your trusted, vibrating friend. Obviously as you’re single right now this doesn't apply to you but it's important to flag it up for the future. Many women find it easier to just get on and pleasure themself with a vibrator after having unsatisfying sex with a partner. Ideally we should always try and show our partners - in a tactful way - what works and what doesn't.
3. You’re with a partner who feels threatened by you using a vibrator even when you enjoy sex with him. When a man reacts like this it’s about his own insecurities but it's still a problem you have to deal with. This is far more common than you would imagine. Many men feel redundant if their partner enjoys her vibrator - even only occasionally. Since you're now enjoying yours so much you have to introduce sex-toy-play into your sex life with your next partner in a considerate way.
Final tip: When you find someone to spend more time with - and maybe get into a relationship with - enjoy showing them what works for you (and finding out what works for him!) before you bring out the sex toys. Hopefully when you’ve shown you care about him and want to have a good sex life together he won't have any insecurities about vibrators.
In the meantime - enjoy your toy, Dr Pam x
For loads more advice, Dr Pam's new sex-and-love guide is available on Amazon