The Male Nanny

The Male Nanny works for a wealthy London family and spends much of his time dealing with an inquisitive and often obnoxious five-year-old. His wry and discerning first-hand accounts offer a unique insight into the private lives of London's elites - from family holidays to family therapy - and every lie in between. To keep up with The Male Nanny follow him on Twitter @themalenanny

We are all going to die

By The male nanny on 19 Oct 2011 No comments

I am eating dinner with the family, and some relatives of theirs. After dinner, the adults are going out, and I am to look after the kids: seven of them.

There is general chit chat and I am doing my best to be politely involved, but also to hide completely.

A brief moment of silence ensues, and in this silence, the eight year old cousin, sitting to my right, pipes up:

'We are all going to die', he declares.

I stare at him, open mouthed. One of the adults coughs, but he is otherwise ignored. Another adult quickly steers the conversation elsewhere, complimenting the food. I scan the table to see if any other faces display a reaction to the curious boy’s announcement. They don’t. I look to the five year old on my left, and am relieved to see her shocked face on.

'Did he just say-'

'Yes. Shhh', she snaps.

Ten minutes later, another lull of silence is risked. I look to the boy. He hasn’t touched his food and his back is perfectly straight. He has the neatest side parting and is staring vacantly.

'I am going to kill myself', he proclaims.

I look straight to the five year old, open mouthed, eyes widened. She is giggling. I look to everyone else. There is no reaction and the conversation has picked up again.

The adults leave. The eight year old boy sits on the computer all evening.

I take the five year old up to bed, whereupon I quiz her on the boy:

'So what is going on with your cousin? Does he always say stuff like that?'

'Yeah. He has naughtism.'

'You mean autism?'

'Yeah. He’s mad. Can we read Hansel and Gretel?'

The Male Nanny