Susanne Remic is a primary school teacher, freelance writer and parenting blogger. She writes at Ghostwritermummy and Maternity Matters and in between all of that she regularly wins mummy of the year awards for running around after her two children, aged six and 19 months. This is her pregnancy blog: an online diary of her third pregnancy as she strives to overcome two difficult births, one angel child and one awkward toddler. Join Susanne as she shares every step of her journey from bump to baby!
Where do you air your dirty laundry?
By Susanne Remic on 12 Oct 2011
Or maybe you don’t air it at all. Maybe you deal with disputes and confrontations in a private manner. I only wish everybody did.
Recently, I have seen Facebook being used a means to attract attention and to publicly tell people off and I think it is awful. Not to mention childish and difficult to retreat from or make amends afterwards. Everything on the internet is there to stay, and as adults, isn’t it our duty to ensure that we model the correct ways to behave both offline and on?
Your Facebook status is your chance to tell people a little bit about yourself: what you’re up to that day or maybe what you think about a current news event. Unfortunately, it is also a chance to tell the world that you are angry, upset or downright p****d off with someone. Um, what’s wrong with picking up the phone and telling them straight, without involving the whole of your other Facebook ‘friends’?
I asked some fellow parent bloggers what they thought about this. After all, as bloggers we all - as a group - talk about our private lives to different extents and so the issue of how and what to share is a common concern in our community.
Ellen blogs at In a Bun Dance and says that “I'm a bit cautious about Facebook because there are people I'm not sure would be comfortable with my DL [dirty laundry]” and Kerry (Multiple Mummy) says “It makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes..of course it depends what it is, but I feel this is where social media takes away real social skills. If there is an issue with a person it should be dealt with on a one to one, and if it has been sorted then the rest of the world don't need to know it even happened. Respect the privacy.”
Why do some people insist on splashing their arguments all over a public social media network, rather than speaking in a civil manner to those who have wronged them? Is it really all an attention seeking cry for comments and ‘likes’ or is it more than that?
Lauren adds, “Facebook status' are often attention seeking and cause more trouble than they are worth. My biggest pet hate on Facebook is when people write a status provoking "are you ok?" and "what's wrong?" but then refuse to give an answer. Why bring half a story onto a social media site where people are naturally nosey!” And Katie at Dazed but Enthused says that “Airing dirty laundry in public is messy. Even if it's unavoidable, it can be seen as disrespectful, unnecessary or even tacky. It's hard enough when it's at a family gathering, or in the street, but doing it on facebook widens the circle of 'onlookers' drastically.
"And the very act of choosing to share your personal business with online 'friends' can even be the catalyst that obliterates the chance of resolving the issue. It creates tension, which then alienates peace loving friends, and invites a host of 'rubber-neckers' who thrive on the drama and so they add unhelpful comments.”
Further comments from fellow bloggers seem to support this theory, as Gemma (Hello its Gemma) says that airing dirty laundry “Becomes a slanging match. Childish.” and @twopointfourchi adds that she hates “seeing sniping digs and private info on it [Facebook]”. Another view is that constant, ongoing arguments on Facebook are one way of causing ‘friends’ to drop you. Diane ( ivf mummy) says that when people “keep repeating themselves it gets boring” and that the resulting complaints about other’s status’ “makes them hypocritical”.
So are we all a bunch of moaning minnies then? When did social media stop being social and more of an opportunity to have a good punch up, 21st century style?
What do you think? Do you literally live your life online, sharing all of your nitty gritty arguments, flaws and pet hates with your entire friend list? Are you comfortable with all of those old school friends and work colleagues knowing about all of the petty arguments in your life? Or do you choose your Facebook friends with this in mind, so that you can comfortable spout off about anything at all? Alternatively, do you believe that your Facebook is your business and if you want to rant and rave at someone it’s your business?
Before I sign off, I will leave you with some words of wisdom from Nickie at Typecast: “ It doesn't matter how private you are or how you have your accounts "locked down" - it's The Internet. NOTHING is private!”
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