Our straight talking Lancashire lass takes a sideways look at the daily news.
Women, sort yourselves out!
By
No comments
Women who carry their babies facing forwards are subjecting their offspring to terrifying, cruel and traumatic experiences. And women with children who commute find the whole damn experience four times more traumatic than men, and it could even effect their mental health!
These kind of headlines remind me of the Mitchell & Webb sketch that shows how adverts geared towards women tend to focus on their housework, dirty clothes and leaky bits, whereas adverts for men are all about drinking beer and being brilliant.
So women can’t commute without going bonkers? Well let’s just keep them at home where they belong then! To be honest, if I’m torn away from cleaning and cooking I go postal and start smashing things. I just love making cakes for my man. And I don’t even have a man!
And I don’t have a child but if I do I’ll make sure that I hold it’s tiny face to my motherly bosom AT ALL TIMES because, God forbid, I don’t want to inflict further psychological damage on the poor tyke. It’s bad enough that it is exposed to a female, and if the news is to be believed then we’re all damaged goods by default.
And it’s not just the way we carry our children or travel to work. Its what we eat. Because women, who eat more biscuits than men (because we are totally unable to control our ferocious appetites) are more likely to get cancer. Yes ladies, biccies cause cancer. But not any form of cancer. Womb cancer.
Just look at the news – us ladies are really getting slated.
Women who can’t sleep are more likely to get dementia, overweight pregnant women are more likely to give birth early, ‘Super mums’ are more likely to be depressed than ‘normal mums’ (as long as normal mums don’t commute or carry their children the wrong way around. Or eat biscuits), and women are also more likely to stray in relationships. Yes’ we’re all adulterous cows. Probably because of all the mental illness and cancer.
But men? Well, it’s not so bad. They’re most likely to say ‘I Love You’ first in relationships, and the only men really at risk of any form of cancer are homosexuals.
Is it me, or is there a message that men are amazing, and unless us women conform to the stereotype of the sweet, innocent, slender mother figure who stays at home and doesn’t stuff her face with biscuits, that we’re actually going to die or go mad?
Answers on a postcard please!
