This month's expert is top international and executive coach Dr Nicola Bunting of La Vita Nuova Coaching . Dr Bunting specialises in life and career coaching and is a Professional Certified Coach by the International Coaching Federation. Dr Bunting uses a holistic approach to help individuals re-design their life and work

Q I am 45 with two children aged ten and 15. My husband died one month ago from a brain tumour after a 10-month illness, during which time I took unpaid leave from my managerial job in a local university in order to nurse him. I have been working at the university for three years but have never really enjoyed working in the public sector.

Last year, before my husband was diagnosed with brain cancer, I decided to change direction and completed a City and Guilds in photography, which, against the odds, I managed to finish with distinction. I've discovered that I really want to be a photographer and have assisted a wedding photographer a few times, but can't work full time as an unpaid assistant as I now have to support our two children on my own. I'm worried that if I stay where I am, I will end up bitter, frustrated and hating my life.

A I am so sorry to hear about the recent death of your husband. It must be an enormously stressful and challenging time for you, especially after what must have been a difficult and painful year.

I'm delighted for you that you have such a clear vocation to become a photographer; the fact that you did a City and Guilds course in photography and got a distinction is evidence that you have all the talent you need to support yourself in making your career dream a reality. It's also great that you have already got some practical experience in working with a wedding photographer. It seems clear to me that you have everything it takes - the interest, the talent, and the drive - to become a professional photographer.

Take time to recharge

I'd like to suggest that probably the most important focus for you right now is to look after yourself on all levels; physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, to help yourself move through this stressful time in a healthy and positive way.

Physically: Help your body recover from the ordeal you've been through, by making sure you're getting enough sleep, eating optimally (getting those five fruit and vegetables, minimising coffee, alcohol and sweets, taking vitamins, eating regularly to keep your blood sugar stable and so on ), and relaxing regularly - whether that's by doing something like yoga, taking long, hot aromatherapy baths, getting a massage or going swimming, for example.
Emotionally and mentally: This may mean seeking professional help from a counsellor in working through what must have been a tumultuous and painful year, as well as being kind in the way you treat yourself and in your self-talk.
Spiritually: This one's up to you, but we all have areas that we are naturally drawn towards that support, uplift and inspire us, whether it's going to church, reading poetry, meditating, listening to music, or something in-between.

Before you can give your attention properly to the dynamics of a successful career change, you need to make sure that you've recovered as much as possible and are fully energised , and that you are therefore able to help your children feel the same way. You can't predict how long it will take for you to recover and recharge in the ways I've suggested, but you will know yourself when your energy level and outlook are such that you feel ready to move on.

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My husband died, now I need to live