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The confidence chameleon

Confidence is a tricky trait to pin down. By being aware of your own and other people's behaviour you will find the essential ingredients to building confidence

What is confidence?
This can be difficult to answer. The word comes from the Latin to mean 'to put one's trust in someone' - that someone being ourselves. But this definition doesn't tell us how confidence manifests itself (or not) or how you can get it.

The confidence checklist
How then is confidence - real confidence - demonstrated? Here's the iVillage 10-point checklist:

1. People who believe in themselves take charge of their actions.



2. They act assertively, speak calmly and listen properly.



3. They're flexible towards people, circumstances and all things new.



4. They're able to give genuine praise and to accept constructive criticism.



5. They evaluate themselves realistically.



6. They appreciate their achievements.



7. They learn from their mistakes.



8. They aren't run by 'shoulds', 'musts' and 'ought tos'.



9. When an opportunity comes up they say 'Why not?' rather than 'Why?'



10. They feel they can influence situations and outcomes.

The confidence within
Where exactly does all this come from? Are we born with it? Are we socialised into it? "Yes, and yes," says psychologist Gary Fitzgibbons. "Confidence is within all of us, but whether it shines through or whether it remains hidden can depend on how we are treated as children and young adults." It's not for nothing that people say 'show me the girl at seven and I'll show you the woman'.

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