Christmas party slip-ups

Pick a man your equal
It's not only us girls who can't take their drink. I can still vividly picture a usually refined male colleague of mine from a few years back careering, nose first across the nightclub floor before sprawling in a heap, scattering revellers left and right. Making a prat of yourself doesn't take special talent. Anyone can do it.

Take your cue from classic films
Louise Lang, a writer, is a seasoned professional when it comes to such exploits. She cringes when she looks back at one of her Christmas work bashes: 'I decided to do a dirty dance, on my own, rubbing up against a pillar in front of everyone. I didn't take any clothes off but someone recorded it for posterity.'

Although it may very well be the reason, blaming alcohol doesn't always get you off the hook and the sniggering from colleagues could follow you down your office corridors for months afterwards - depending on the severity of your Christmas clanger. If you just dropped a plate of cheese sandwiches down your trousers it'll be quickly forgotten, but if your faux pas involved the airing of body parts or anything remotely debauched then be prepared for the backlash. Humiliating photos and mickey-taking of the highest degree are sure to follow.

Don't despair; there are several ways to step off the road to shame this festive season. Here are some helpful tips you will undoubtedly ignore:

1. Don't drink.
2. Well, don't drink too much then.
3. OK, OK, don't drink hard liquor or anything you're not used to.
4. Insist all cameras are banned.
5. Wear something sensible.
6. Avoid high heels.
7. Keep well away from the opposite sex.
8. If you don't trust yourself , stay at home and watch Morcambe and Wise. You may miss out on all the fun but at least you won't have to wear a wig, dark glasses and a false nose to work for the whole of next year.