Peace at work

Second: believe that it can be solved

There’s always a solution to every problem, and usually the solution is simple and doesn’t involve anything drastic, such as one person leaving. If you don’t believe this, then agree to suspend your disbelief for just a while, and allow that it may well turn out to be true.

Third: try to see the other person in a good light

Every other person in the world, no matter how much you dislike them, is worthy of respect and decent treatment. Make sure that you’re not being cruel or unfair to them in any way. Don’t gossip about the problem or run them down behind their back, even if you feel they’ve hurt you. Treating them badly will hurt you more, because it will dent your self-respect and you’ll feel ashamed.

Fourth: look for the solution

You can’t make someone else change, so imagine it’s up to you to take 100 per cent responsibility for finding a solution to the problem. Use all your resources and creativity and brainstorm all the possible solutions. Get a friend to help - try our message board. What could you do differently? What might you say? Who else could you bring in to arbitrate? Would a change of attitude make a difference? Do you need to have a straight talk with them? Or are you focusing on this problem to avoid something else you need to deal with at work?

The solution may involve the thing you most dread doing, but do it anyway. It’s worth it because not only will you find peace of mind, you might even feel proud of yourself. After all, you’re a grown-up.

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