I have recently started as an assistant to three people in a publishing company. It’s just the kind of job I’d been waiting for. After some years of feeling inadequate in the workplace, I finally have the confidence and experience to do this job well. Unfortunately, one of my bosses is renowned for being arrogant and rude. We quite obviously do not see eye to eye, and I don’t want this to become a problem. Usually, I would be very honest and upfront with someone in this scenario, but I’m not sure how the balance of power will affect things. What should I do?

answer

The more confident you are, the less rudeness and arrogance will be able to penetrate your defences. There are no circumstances when you have to put up with unacceptable behaviour. People known for their arrogance do not behave that way towards everyone; just to those who allow them to get away with it. It’s tricky to get the balance right in relationships where the person who’s potentially difficult is your boss. You have to be careful how you handle it, but that does not mean being a doormat.

Much depends on how you react. If harsh words have you cowering and doing as you’re told without a murmur, that will show you’re easy to intimidate. If asked to do something in an unacceptable manner, question it. Try a smiling, ‘I beg your pardon’, as if you can’t believe what you heard. When asked to repeat something, it often makes the questioner reflect momentarily on what they said and check its appropriateness. While doing this, maintain eye contact to show you have not been cowed by the exchange. If that doesn’t work, you can try being more direct, but always keep it pleasant. Aggression is more easily diffused with a smile. Put the onus on your boss by expressing concern, but keep your tone as one of friendly interest rather than apology. Phrases like ‘Have I done something to upset you?’ or ‘You seem annoyed, is there a problem?’ can work wonders. Those who behave unacceptably do not want to explain it, they just want everyone to jump to their commands. If you oblige, you store up problems for yourself in future and the job you always wanted will not live up to your expectations.

Now read this: How to be assertive without being aggressive

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Help! My boss is rude and arrogant