Burying the hatchet

Getting our egos out of the way is never easy. However, the person who extends the olive branch takes a step up to the higher ground and, in fact, usually ends up the victor. Give yourself a good talking to and hang onto the fact that making the first move is by no means a sign of weakness. My dad, who is a tough, smart, dynamic man, always cautioned us to never mistake gentleness for weakness. It was good advice.

So find some time to sit down privately with this person. Suggest coffee or lunch. You can come straight out and say something like, ‘I'm sure it’s not especially easy for either of us to be here. But we’re both working on this project and it’s in everybody's best interest – especially ours – to put our differences to one side and get the job done. So I just wanted to tell you that I’m very willing to put the past behind us and get some good work done together. What do you think?’ Good luck.

The key here is not to get into you-did-this-and-I did-that conversation. Try not to put her on the defensive. It’s not a bad idea to rehearse your lines, perhaps even into a tape recorder, so you can play them back to double-check your tone of voice. Should she insist on dragging up the past, stick to your statements and refuse to rake over old ground. Emphasise that you are ready to put the past behind you and would really like to move forward.

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