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How to be mentored: Sarah’s story

by Joan Kingsley

How to be mentoredWhat does it takes to be mentored? Read one woman’s story of her search for a mentor and how it helped her to escape a testosterone nightmare and embark on the working life she really wanted



Woman on the brink
Have you heard the one about 'we want to recruit and develop talented women'? Sarah had, and believed it for a while. Having a PhD in biochemistry, she thought she’d be accepted for her achievements. She was ill-prepared for a large testosterone-led organisation.

'I gradually found myself behaving just like the men I worked with – the last thing I wanted to do. So I got cross with myself, angry with the organisation, and completely mismanaged relationships at work. At the end of two years, when I was at my wits’ end, a sympathetic manager suggested I find a professional mentor. I took his advice – but I thought I was pathetic.'

Even the wisest of women tend to wait for a crisis before seeking out a mentor. That’s because we women are used to being on the giving end of caring relationships. After all, it’s part of our make-up. In our private relationships we comfort others. In the big wide patriarchal world of organisations, it’s different; we have to fit the masculine mould.

‘Why organisations spend so much time wanting half their work force to be like men, instead of really getting the benefit of the energy women bring to work, is beyond me – except of course that men are fundamentally frightened of women at work,’ says Dr. Paul Brown, consulting organisational & clinical psychologist.

In search of a mentor
If you are lucky, someone senior to you within your organisation or profession will offer to serve as your mentor. For men this is a common occurrence. For women this opportunity is less likely to present itself. Women who get to the top (of a department, or a firm, or become Prime Minister) by acting like men are likely to be very protective of their turf. Don’t approach that kind of a woman as a mentor. Find one who knows what it means to be a real woman, managing authority, power and other organisational resources.



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