Dealing with rejection

• Don't dwell on it. Becoming emotional at work can and does happen but if you can avoid it, do. It's understandable that you may feel frustrated, but keeping a lid on your emotions will stand you in better stead for a later time. Set yourself a new deadline when you will ask again about the promotion/pay rise and work towards that instead of dwelling on your current rejection

• Find your strength anchor. Jill Dann suggests clearing your thoughts to help you: 'You can set yourself an anchor which reminds you of when you were strong and successful. You can also practise clearing your mind before a big interview or meeting with a manager by calling a friend beforehand and doing a 'dump' of all sensations and thoughts going through your body, and breathing deeply and calmly'

• Shake it off! Some people become defensive and act 'precious' when they don't get the answer they want. Again, separating your emotions from the issue in question is vital. There could be another promotion coming up or an imminent pay rise so you could be shooting yourself in the foot. However, if you are constantly being overlooked, then you do need to re-assess matters and speak to your manager

The benefits of rejection

Rejection can be positive. It forces you to re-assess yourself and question where you're going wrong. If feedback indicates you're not going wrong but are just falling short of the mark, it should make you stronger knowing that sooner or later you will have your ideas accepted or get that dream job. Even being turned down for a promotion can often lead to a frank discussion about your job, so you can come away feeling recharged.

As Siobhan Hamilton-Phillips says: 'Successful people manage to take criticism in their stride; they separate out the useful learning points and see these as valuable to making good progress. They remain positive through planning ahead in a flexible rather than a fixed way. They identify their core strengths and skills, recognise where these would be most efficiently used, understand and plan when to implement their training needs and they learn to network effectively.'

Reacting emotionally to rejection really is normal, so don't worry if you feel bad. But do remember that you can learn from the experience and use it to your advantage in the future.

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