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Kick the habit of self-criticism

by Caro Handley

How often do you criticise yourself? Research shows that up to 90 per cent of people's thoughts are critical or judgmental. And the vast majority of these are aimed at oneself. Here's how to be kinder to yourself and boost your confidence

Critical behaviour has its origins in childhood. Most children are told something negative about themselves, far more often than they hear something positive. As they grow older they simply carry on with this pattern - they've no idea how to do it any other way. As adults, most of us have a mental tape which we play many times a day, 'I'm not good enough, I didn't do well enough, I don't deserve anything good' - or a variation on these themes. And of course we bring it into our working lives, where it makes enjoying your job and being good at it a whole lot harder.

The good news is that once you realise you're doing this, you have the choice whether to carry on. Think about a friend you really value. If she, or he, felt they'd got something wrong or weren't good enough, you'd be quick to reassure them. So why treat yourself any differently? A best friend would do these things for you, but you can go one better and do them for yourself - in other words, be your own best friend.

Here's how:

1. Praise, praise, praise
For yourself, of course. Behaviourists now know that, with enough praise, even an appallingly behaved child can be quickly turned into a well-behaved little darling. And there's always something to praise, in everyone. You're in the best position to know how hard you work, how well you do, how many things you succeed in and how much you care. So pile on the praise.

2. Use affirmations
These are positive statements and have been proven to be powerfully effective in changing attitudes and behaviour. They must always be in the present tense, as though they were already true. For instance: ‘I’m great at my job’, ‘I get noticed and appreciated at work’, ‘I love what I do, and succeed easily’. Come up with your own, write them down and put them somewhere prominent.