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  |  Succeeding & Surviving  |  Personal Development  |  Overcoming loneliness at work
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Overcoming loneliness at work

by Mary Mitchell

question
I'm feeling very lonely at work. I can spend an entire day here without anyone in my department talking to me. I am usually very friendly and chatty and make friends wherever I work. I can't seem to get people here to warm up at all -- they're nice but not very sociable. It depresses me, and now I feel as if I hate my job and everyone here.

answer
When we expect people to behave the way we want them to, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. By accepting others for who they are and demonstrating an interest in them, we get much better results. Try to stop thinking about what's happening to you and think about other people instead. Have you demonstrated a sincere interest in any of them? Or are you irritated that nobody has taken any interest in you? The fact is, we teach others how to treat us.

Also, I bet you're giving yourself negative messages all the time. Are you telling yourself, 'They're not friendly; nobody pays attention to me; they're making me dislike this job...' Cancel out those thoughts and tell yourself that you'll only think positively from now on.

Then, try approaching them instead of expecting them to approach you. But bear in mind that if you look upon your job as a chance to socialise, it could be that your work colleagues are trying to tell you different. If so, bear in mind that this is nothing to do with you personally.

Live Q&A on Ask The Expert
Employment lawyer Rachel Lewis advises on your work-related issues

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