How to make networking work for you

'I'd like to know if there is a right and a wrong way to ask for a pay rise. I NEED one!'

Sarah Ivens: The best thing to do is think about why you deserve one. List all the things you have achieved since your last pay rise, remember all the wins and merits you've got, and think about all the things you are delivering above and beyond your current job description.

With a clear list in mind, go in and see your boss. Take notes with you. It will help when you get nervous (you will, we all do!). Never go in and start moaning, or being aggressive! And don't say, 'I've spent too much on my credit card, I need a rise'. It all needs to be about why YOU deserve it, not because you're skint or the girl next to you earns more!

'I know I'm probably not the only one but I HATE making small talk. When I was younger I was fine but as I've got older (I'm 37 now) I just look at a room full of people (even if it's people I know) and think 'Urgh, I just can't be bothered.' How can I get over this? Am I just destined to be a boring old fart?'

Sarah Ivens: No, of course you're not destined to be boring! Just make sure you make small talk on subjects that you find interesting. It's just about making the effort. If you're politely rambling on about Eastenders, so be it. I'm sure the person is just grateful you're making the effort.

Try and read the newspaper every day. I find little snippets gathered from the paper will help you with small talk, and should help get a reaction back so you're not doing all the work!

'What is an acceptable time between meeting someone and calling them up? I feel it's quite cheeky to ring someone just because you had a good chat at a party and wonder if it's more of an American than British thing to do. Won't people just think I'm pushy or dismiss me as a crank caller?'

Sarah Ivens: I've lived in America for over two years now, and Americans are generally more pushy at networking. But it can be a good thing.

A nice thing to do, that happens more Stateside than at home, is after a good meeting I often get a lovely card through the post saying thanks for lunch or 'good to meet you'. This is a great touch, not intrusive, and shows real effort. And we don't get much post these days that aren't bills so it's fun to get!

Calling someone straightaway does seem a bit keen, unless they said 'call me tomorrow', in which case it's rude not to, so a follow-up posted letter, or email, is better.

'What is the best way to make friends and influence people? I'm just trying to think of some quick wins as I've got a busy lifestyle. I'm currently working as a project manager and in my personal life, I am doing a bit of 'friend-shifting' and trying to meet more new people.'

Sarah Ivens: The old rules are the best when making new friends.

• Treat others how you would like to be treated.
• Remember, a smile costs nothing.
• Be interesting...and interested. It's not all about you, and what you can get out of a relationship.
• Escape your usual routine to meet new people. Join work clubs, take up a hobby or go on holiday.

A Modern Girl's Guide To Networking by Sarah Ivens is out now.