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When you earn more than him
I make more money than my husband, and I recently got another pay rise. But I didn’t tell him, for two reasons (neither of which is so I can spend the money selfishly). Firstly, I want to save some money and, usually, as soon as he knows we have some extra money, he’s more than ready to spend it. Secondly, he’s a bit insecure about earning less than me. As much as he says he’s OK with it, I know he’s not. Worse, he’s not happy with the way his career is going at the moment and is looking for something new. I don’t want to put any more pressure on him and it doesn’t really matter to me that I got a pay rise. I keep telling myself it’s okay to withhold this information, but I still feel dishonest. Do other couples tell each other EXACTLY how much each earns and when they get a rise? Please help.
There’s no clear-cut answer to this. Every marriage is different. All I can tell you is that you certainly have nothing to be embarrassed about. It seems like you are totally committed to your marriage and are simply being prudent. The truth is, I think it strengthens a relationship when both parties have a bit of financial freedom. Of course, it would be different if some emergency arose and you denied having any funds to help. Although it doesn’t sound like that’s where your head or heart is.
If it will make you feel any better, I can tell you that my husband and I keep separate finances. There’s no hiding anything. But equally there isn’t a driving need to report on every penny either. For us, it’s more a matter of one person (me) being self-employed and the other having a ‘real’ job. One of us has consistency: the other lives a roller-coaster life. Still, neither of us ever makes a decision without asking ourselves, ‘Is this to the greater good of our marriage?’
Perhaps you could take a look at your husband’s own dissatisfaction and play a more active role in helping him sort out solutions. That’s a gift money can’t buy.
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