Our straight talking Lancashire lass takes a sideways look at the daily news.
Wow! What a weekend!
As we all wander back to our offices, bleary-eyed and possibly a tad hungover after our extended Bank Holiday weekend, we can look back on the Royal Wedding antics, the fabulous weather and the shocking news of Osama bin Laden’s grubby execution and think, ‘Blimey, that was eventful!’
And whether you love or loath the Royals, they do know how to put on a bit of a do. And how amazing was Kate’s (sorry, Catherine’s) dress?! It was absolutely stunning.
I couldn’t really write this blog without putting down my top five Royal Wedding moments, so here they are!
5. The crowd’s (over)reaction.
There’s nothing like a Royal Wedding to bring out the dazed and confused, and they were there in full force for the occasion. Just to highlight my point, the following conversation between ITV’s Mark Austin and a group of drunken revellers was broadcast outside Buckingham Palace, at 9.30 am.
Mark Austin: “Ah, so you’re drinking champagne then!”
Drunken reveller #1: “Champagne? Er, yeah! You name it, we’ve had it!”
Drunken reveller #2: “It’s vodka and Red Bull.”
Revellers then try to pour Red Bull and vodka down Mark Austin’s throat.
Mark Austin: “No! Please! No, I mustn’t! So what is it you like about Kate and William?”
Drunken reveller #1: “Ah! Well you see they’re just like us! They’re EXACTLY like us!”
Mark Austin: “Where are you from then?”
Drunken Reveller #2: “Luton.”
You couldn’t make it up.
4. In-depth hat analysis
As the guests arrived at Westminster Abbey, there were some pretty impressive (read: ‘interesting) hats on display.
Victoria Beckham looked like she had a blue satin pork pie stuck on her forehead, and Tara Palmer Tomkinson’s electric blue creation was Thunderbirds-esque at best, although her perpendicular hat was totally off kilter with her nose, which over time has veered sharply to the right.
And what in God’s name was Princess Beatrice wearing? Seriously? Her hat looked like the head of Behemoth, only beige. Mad as a hatter and proof that money can’t buy you style. It can however buy the services of a good stylist. Just a thought, like.
Interestingly my mum swore that she saw an M&S hat in the congregation. Commoners indeed!
3. The cart-wheeling priest
Someone was extremely happy after the wedding, and we’re not talking about Kate & Wiills! Yes this verger was caught on camera doing joyful cartwheels up the aisle. You don’t see that every day…
2. The dress!
Oh my, Kate’s dress was stunning! Designed by Sarah Burton of Alexander McQueen it blended traditional and contemporary ideas to create an amazing masterpiece. From the intricate handmade lace to the train of nearly three meters, it was simply beautiful and I want one.
Her younger sister Pippa did a cracking job as Maid of Honour, and the clingy bridesmaid dress that showed off her figure to over 2 billion viewers has now earned her the nickname ‘Her Royal Hotness’. Watch this space…
Incidentally, for your pleasure 100 perfect wedding dresses. That’s my afternoon sorted!UK have put together a gallery of
1. The Royal Snog
Onlookers were treated to not one, but two Royal kisses on the balcony of Buckingham Palace. The revellers (including ‘Smashed’ from Luton) were thrilled, the crowds erupted into chants of ‘Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!’ which reminded me of school discos at my old secondary school. But they did the deed and We the People were happy about it. Bless.
I was also struck by how normal the Middletons looked stood next to the Windsors in all their inbred glory. William, Harry and the Queen are the only relatively normal looking members of that family. It’s very fortunate for them that they’re widening the gene pool with someone from the general population!
So there we have it, everything was signed and sealed. Kate Middleton was suited, booted and saluted to become HRH Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge.
And you could hear the sinister whispers from inside the palace saying “Catherine… You’re one of us now…”
Re-live all the glory with our Royal Wedding in pictures slideshow